Unreal Me...

…I don’t give a shit… and I say this just so… And I write the nonsense like this every once in a while… for nobody to read…

And if time comes for me to be free… I won’t give a shit… even in this fucked up world. 

Now it’s time to tie up my hair, stand straight and talk with emotionless, cynical expression… like I never gave a shit…

I was 14 when I realized that I would die. Sooner or later this moment would come with all its glory… And at that very moment I wouldn’t think about the past, but future.

…around me people talk fast, walk slowly and buy clothes on after Christmas sales… They bore me to death by picking on my finger nail nerves… and my body is getting shivers from the moon… the sad face it has…

I don’t trust anybody… even if I do subconsciously I still go and check what they did… I can check what they are about to do… even without saying ‘hi’. And I’m unbelievable… crazy… psychic and potentially schizophrenic. 

There is no end to me. I will stop in the middle… Forcing myself not to go on and think is nonsensical. Going deep down into myself scares me… Looking at my eyes in the mirror (even in this defected reflection) makes me think about who I am. I grin at myself like a bloody monster who is never going to become a saint… He can just pretend…

This is different me! So familiar to myself and so distant for others… scared to communicate, they are like shells on the beach and I step on them and then jump not because I don’t wanna kill them… just because they’re too gross to my feet.

If you read this… You’re never gonna be friends with me again. I miss the fresh air. My ears are in shut down mode as the silence takes over.

And I don’t want her to come back… as I’m not eloquent enough right now. I used to be very very long time ago. Follow me and I’ll teach you how to swim in clouds. They are so dirty up close; so dissolved in my corps that they make the sun vomit in disgust. 

I want to see what my brain looks like. Then I want to see your brain and compare. I just need to find a way for that. Killing you and then me… that won’t help! The only way is to go and pray!!!